yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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