And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
