Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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