In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Don't make out with my wife yet
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
