She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
