Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
