That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
