I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
