Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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