I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize