I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
