Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
