I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
