Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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