Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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