i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
