I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
