i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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