The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
did you just send me my own nude
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
