i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
