just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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