This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize