The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
