I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
