my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
