We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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