I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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