We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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