Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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