we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
