Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
