Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
