5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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