He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
