I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
