I didn't shave. On purpose
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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