First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
