yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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