today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
