I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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