These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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