Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Randomize
