I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
