I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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