If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
