Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
