New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
