I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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