You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
