She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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