The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
