I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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