I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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