tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
