he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
