hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
