Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
