I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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