I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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