He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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