I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
