dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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