What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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