I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
