I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize