I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
