Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
