Even water is tasting like jack daniels
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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