His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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