Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
