Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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