I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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