Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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