she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
