I can tuck mytits in my pants
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
