you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
