Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
