I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
