Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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