Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
