she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
