I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
