I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize