Dignity is for republicans.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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