he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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