I have demons in me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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