So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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