Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
now i know why i became what i already was.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
