I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize