So drunk, too bad you don't want this
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
