So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
