I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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