I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
