she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry about my life...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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