My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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