a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
